Back in Business

Dah balik dari Australia :)

It was great. We went to a lot of places over the 4 days there. Sydney feels different to me now that I am no longer staying there. I felt like a tourist. Before, I couldn't care less taking picture because it's where I live. 

Talking about Sydney, I have to say I did not enjoyed living there, due to a lot of reasons. Studying overseas is not all fun as u would think. It was a struggle for me. But I think it has toughen me up, and made me a more independent person. Also equally important, it has opened my eyes and broaden my narrow mind. I think the way I think now is different to the way I think before I went abroad. To that end, I am grateful of having that opportunity and the hardships are all worth it. Not to mention, now I have a degree (Hopefully laku).

After 4 years and several hundred thousands

I will miss Sydney though. The weather, the few close friends I had there, the atmosphere, the way of life there.. although it doesn't suit me well, I will always remember it. Also the little things, like how punctual and easy to get busses, to cross the road..will be missed very much.

Ety sangat photogenic

On the contrary, sangat x photo-friendly

Anyways, if u want to look at more pictures, please visit Mak Ngah's Facebook Album. There u can find all the photos I've taken professionally. Hehe.

Changing the subject, I will be in Bangi for the next 2 weeks, for induction course. It's nerve racking for me and my heart feels heavy, as I will no longer able to slack around. I've gone to several courses like this before, during my scholarship period, and I know roughly what will be conducted during the course. Thinking about it make my stomach do a back flip. Hah.. Any advice on how to overcome nervousness? Hope the next 2 weeks will fly by quickly. By then I hope I will already find a place to live (ideally an apartment) and everything settled so I can begin my own life. We'll see how it goes :)

Busy

Haloo.. Ini entri yg terakhir untuk beberapa minggu saya rasa. Tersangat sibuk minggu nie, siapkan semuanya from job offer to travel preparations. Everything dah settle sekarang, cuma ada hold up dengan med checkup. Haritu test mata x lepas.. dan kene buat spek mata baru. Tulisannya sangat la kecil, memang susah nak baca. Harap2 dengan spek mata baru, boleh nampak dgn jelas.

So esok nie pergi ke KL, flight pagi2. Then malam esok bertolak ke Australia. Flight 8 jam nie, nasib baik malam..boleh tido terus. Walaupun saya actually suka nak tgk movie dalam flight, banyak yg baru2 biasanya. Sampai kat sana, it'll be fun I hope. Takut jugak nie, nak kene cakap english balik. Dah rusty.

 

This time bolehla beli banyak skit souvenirs.. Sorry haritu x bawak banyak pun. Masa tu dah broke, bayar shipping etc. Nanti kitorang carikan pape yg menarik ok.

Itu saja for this time, dah penat dan mengantuk sangat. Nanti maybe akan post gambar. See u next time :)

Troubled

Hah.. Rasa sangat down lately. I have everything in place but the peace is not there. It's because I have done wrong, and now my conscience is killing me. X dapat stop the self hating. Why cant I be a good person? What's stopping me, I dont know. I'm always so ungrateful and frustrated, although I realise I am lucky to have u.

I dont know what I'm after. Lost. I'm still in a quest to find myself. Still a long way to go.

I ask for ur forgiveness and blessing, for me to find that peace in me for now and move on without regrets.

It's Official!

Yes! Tengahari tadi dapat panggilan daripada Petronas. Baru bangun tido masa panggilan tu, harap-harap x mengarut sangat apa yg saya cakap kat HRM tu. Akan memulakan kerja 16/3, sebagai executive production technologist di klcc. Abah kata production technologist kerjanya best, dan boleh pergi overseas. Harap-harap dapat pergi ke luar negara dalam beberapa tahun. Banyak negara yg saya nak lawati, tp sekarang kawasan negara pengeluar minyak sedang bergolak (Asia Tengah). Kalau ke negara Afrika pun ok.

Sedang menunggu langkah seterusnya.. banyak juga urusan perlu diselesaikan nanti. Rasa sedikit takut untuk hadapi hidup berkerjaya ni. Nak berurusan dengan orang, siapkan kerja dan lain-lain. Banyak tanggungjawab yg datang bersama. Ia membuatkan saya lebih menghargai kehidupan saya sekarang, bersenang lenang dengan keluarga. Saya akan gunakan masa ini sebaiknya.

Insecurity

This post is about my feelings at the moment.

Tired and frustrated. I dont exactly know why I feel this way. But I can probably point to my current status and my future outlook. 

After studied for so long, for 17 years to be exact, and doing fairly well along the way, I still left feeling unsuccessful and insecure. It is amazing to see that I have spent almost all my life on education, yet it still does not guarantee anything. What's more, I have pass through all of the education phases on good grades.

It's just depressing to think about the future at times. At times like this, when nothing is going for me, I tend to wonder whether I will make it out ok in this life. I know it's no use worrying of what's ahead, but I cant help it.

Those days of not worrying are past I guess. It must be good to be able to not care at all, like when I was little. Life was simpler and a lot happier back then.

Sometimes it feels like as u get older, u start to lose all of ur hopes and dreams little by little. Those happy times ahead u visualise in ur mind starting to not make sense. And perhaps that u will live all ur life being mediocre, is not out of possibility anymore.

I guess it's just my transition to the real world. I have been living off my parents for my whole life, and now I'm starting to worry of the time I step out of it. The prospect may look bleak now, but I guess I have to keep my spirit up and hope it will all turn out okay. Be optimistic, friends used told me. At least for now I have my family support and my cute little sisters to play with. Here's hoping for better days ahead.


Edit: Scratch that. I feel a lot better now due to a news I heard. Thank you god.

MV

Sebab x ada idea utk entry terbaru, saya pos kan video musik sebagai ganti. Perkenalkan salah satu daripada band favourite saya.

Personal update: Got back from KL last Saturday. Stayed at Sunway Pyramid Tower Hotel for only 2 nights. Did some reckless shopping, now I have nothing in my saving. Haha. Only got 400rm in the first place. 

Anyways I like the hotel's location, as it is directly connected to the shopping mall. So I can go shop whenever I feel like it. Only bought some cheap T's, a jeans and a Crocs sandal, the latter because my sandal was giving me bad blisters. Played in game arcade with Abg. Jumaidi, Akak, Ety and Zalia. Was fun, but it would be a lot nicer if we could get in Sunway Lagoon that day. Also I want to go ice skating with them one day, it must be funny to see them falling all over the place. Nothing much to update u on.. Looking forward to a better future.

P.s. Belum hangat-hangat tahi ayam lagila Mak Njang.. :P

My Valentine

Hari Valentine ialah hari untuk meraikan ekspressi kasih sayang. Sambutan ini adalah berdasarkan seorang martir Kristian yg bernama Saint Valentine. Terdapat beberapa versi dimana hari Valentine dikaitkan. Versi yg paling popular menceritakan St. Valentine, hidup di zaman pemerintahan maharaja Claudius II di Roman, dimana maharaja tersebut tidak membenarkan askar-askarnya berkahwin. Ini disebabkan maharaja itu berpendapat bahawa perkahwinan akan melemahkan semangat askarnya. Walaupun begitu, St. Valentine melanggar undang undang tersebut, dan dia ditangkap dan diberikan hukuman mati. Mengikut cerita moden yg telah ditokok tambah, dia sempat menulis surat terakhir kepada kekasihnya sebelum dihukum, dan surat itu diakhiri dengan "From your Valentine". 

Di Malaysia, sebuah negara Islam, sambutan tersebut dianggap tidak sesuai kerana ia mencetuskan gejala maksiat dan juga disebabkan ia berakar dari agama Kristian. Saya agak setuju dengan pendapat tersebut, walaubagaimanapun, hari seperti ini yg menggalakkan ekspressi kasih sayang adalah sesuatu yg cantik pada dasarnya. Walaupun ini tidak digalakkan di antara golongan muda yg masih belum berkahwin, ia sepatutnya dilakukan sesama ahli keluarga, kawan kawan dan sebagainya. Dan yg lebih penting, ia patut dipraktiskan sepanjang masa, dan bukan pada hari yg tertentu sahaja. 

"Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,

It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."

Bagi saya, Valentine's day tahun ini masih seperti biasa. Sudah beberapa tahun berturut turut saya tidak menyambutnya. Perkara yg paling penting yg patut saya ingat pada hari Valentine ialah..jangan keluar berjalan ke shopping mall berseorangan pada hari ini. Haha.

Personal update: Ran 2.5 k's non-stop this evening. Thinking of stepping it up to more km's if possible. Already bought tickets and accommodation for March graduation. Just about 2 more weeks to go. Hopefully all will be smooth sailing. Zalia's birthday is tomorrow, so, happy birthday to her. Don't really know what to give as present..duit takdop. Dah keje karangla kot.. Speaking of work, still no news from them.